I Am My Beloved's

August 30, 2011 Poem

2011-09-11T14:55:00.000-07:00

My tongue forms the poetry from within my heart

God dwells in the depths of my soul's sea

Let not ever my pilgrim's journey start

Lest His river flow before me

He comes to stir my simmering sacrifice

My mortality, the sum of all I give

And yet, He already owns my life

His humble death, the price so I may live

The Father's Heart

2011-09-11T14:45:00.000-07:00

Abba loves you, Oman.

Experimenting with Truth

2011-09-03T20:52:00.000-07:00

I feel as though I am on the brink of something huge.

My spirit is trying to communicate some heavenly revelation that it lives, while my heart cowards in fear. And while I wake up with a cloud of condemnation and anxiety over me most mornings, the Spirit breaks in with His booming voice. With his tongue like a sword he speaks to his daughter and I am compelled to Truth.

Romans 8:1,2
"So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to Him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death."

I have begun to notice that amongst my fears and insecurities, even the Accuser can not really sink his teeth into my heart. Jesus fights for me. My thoughts are changing. My desire to linger in the enchanting lies about who I am is diminishing. I am choosing daily to believe the Truth. This is so much harder than I imagined... but it is more real than I know.

I am still in this experimental stage- waiting to see the outcome of my faith in Truth. But I feel as though I am on the brink of something huge.

Come, Lord Jesus!

2011-08-05T22:56:00.000-07:00

He has given me a will and desire to cry out for him. It is His holy gift that He gave me- the sheer ability to ask for Him to come.

I had found that because of my sin my heart had grown quite shy. It lay, actually, almost asleep. It used to whisper sweet songs to the Spirit throughout the day. My soul used to beg me to not fall asleep so quickly- just one more moment with my Lover! But slowly... other lovers crept into the caverns of my heart and I rebelled against the one who would choose me eternally and pursue me with an endless love.

But this Man, this Spirit, this God has a terrible jealousy for me. He began to reveal the coldness of my aching heart; the emptiness only selfishness can bring. He began to rip away the stone walls I had built against His kindness. It is His kindness that leads us to repentance. And then He blessed me with joy. Joy! While still in the shame of my sin He granted me joy and I began to overflow with that beautiful repentance. Oh, how wicked I was! But Oh! How good He is.

As my heart began to awaken from its deep, dark, sleep, it longed to behold His face again. But, such a fickle heart does not even know how to open its eyes! It is again, my Lover who pursues me night and day. The Spirit began to stir from within my spirit and I heard my tongue utter prayers of love and adoration to this Man. I have also found, in moments when I am completely sure of my hideous weakness, this Spirit rises upon me and I begin to weep and weep. I weep because He lets me. I weep because He longs to hear me. I cry out for Him because He is ready to answer the prayers from my mouth.

"Come Lord Jesus, Come!" is the only utterance that seems to satisfy my desperate soul. And every time I declare these words Jesus comes. JESUS COMES! He alone puts these words in the mouth of a mere mortal so that He alone, the marvelous and mighty one can meet me there in that place.

Blog Changes

2011-07-11T19:41:00.000-07:00

Due to the exposure of my blog and the people and places I am trying to protect, I have decided to delete a few of my posts. If you want more information on my journeys as follower of Jesus Christ, I will add you to my update emails. Please respond to katherinehobin@gmail.com

Thanks!!!

Katherine

Abandonment Issues

2011-05-31T12:55:00.000-07:00

"What is abandonment? It is forgetting your past; it is leaving the future in His hands; it is devoting the present fully and completely to your Lord. Abandonment is being satisfied with the present moment, no matter what that moment contains. You are satisfied because you know that whatever that moment has, it contains- in that instant- God's eternal plan for you."

-Jeanne Guyon

What I am talking about when I refer to "abandonment issues" has to do with our struggle of fully letting go of control over our spirit. Let us completely surrender ourselves to the Lord.

Easy. Done. We all want that, right? It seems so simple to disregard ourselves with the intent to know Him more. But, the application of this desire is (in my humble opinion) one of the hardest parts of walking out a life laid down before the King. When we abandon our wants and desires we take the risk of receiving his will instead. Now, sometimes his desire is to pour out his love like wine and let us drink of his tender goodness. Other times it is watching in wonder as he displays his mysterious glory and power. However, when we offer up an unrestrained vulnerability to the Holy One, we take a chance that He could give us the fruit of Love- the kind that is dripping with long suffering. Why is it that when we begin to experience suffering we turn our backs to our Lover and beg to be free from him? Oh, sweet Jesus! We want your love! We want the fullness of acceptance and belonging! We want to know you and be known by you above all other things! So, if I long for perfect love- and as an imperfect being, I depend on a perfect God to give this to me- I must trust that all that I walk through in this life is leading me deeper into the depths of that place. The joy and the bliss, the pain and the patience are all placed before my path so that I may abandon my wary soul to experience more and more love in EVERY circumstance.

The Great Debaters

2011-05-14T22:23:00.001-07:00

Tonight I watched the movie The Great Debaters. The film is a true story set in 1935 about 3 African American students who are on their college debate team. Their college is a historically all black school located in Texas. Denzel Washington is their passionate coach who leads them to countless victories and eventually they become the first African American team to compete against Harvard. And they won.

The coach (imagine Denzel, with all his intensity) was teaching the 3 students how to debate, but also giving them purpose, when he spoke this powerful quote:

"Anybody know who Willie Lynch was? Anybody? Raise your hand. No one? He was a vicious slave owner in the West Indies. The slave masters in the colony of Virginia were having trouble controlling their slaves, so they sent for Mr. Lynch to teach them his methods. The word "lynching" came from his last name. His methods were very simple, but they were diabolical. Keep the slave physically strong but psychologically weak and dependent on the slave master. Keep the body, take the mind. I... and every other professor on this campus are here to help you... to find, take back, and keep your righteous mind. "

I am done with evil slave masters playing psychological mind games on my countrymen and instilling fear into their heads. I am done with the righteous and redeemed being told that they are weak and worthy of chains. I am done with torture and injustice.

I am calling for the brave and courageous to speak the sacred truth in their hearts! I am calling for preachers, prophets and priests to teach grace rather than the law, humility rather than equal opportunity and LOVE- rather than tolerance.

My Heart's Cry: Part 2, The Answer

2011-04-17T12:55:00.000-07:00

Continued from Part 1...

What about Jesus?!

If God is still pouring out his wrath on sinners, and blotting out entire people groups, then Japan was starting to look like a Sodom and Gommorah situation. It's in the Bible. It happened, and God did it. Right? But, here was my struggle:

If we, as God's people, claim that the LORD still interacts with the world in such a destructive way, how does Jesus fit into the picture? Doesn't God save a nation if there is just one righteous man? And what makes him righteous? His works, his actions, how often he sins or not? No. It is ONLY through the blood of the perfect man Jesus.

When Jesus hung on the cross, flesh ripped open and his blood spilled out of his body, something happened for this world. His blood covered over us. Then, when he conquered death and hell and sin by raising from the dead, his very essence, his perfectness, his holiness enclosed us and we, in an instant, became righteous. We became just like him. Our righteousness has nothing to do with whether we sin 18 times in one day or twice in a month. It only pertains to if we believe Jesus did what he said he did nor not. Sin has NOTHING to do with it. We simply must believe in Jesus. And if there is JUST ONE believer in Japan, than God would not and could not possibly look upon that place with desire to punish, for the righteous already stand judged.

I could finish this blog entry right here. It is more than sufficient. But, my journey continued even further. I thanked and praised God for this revelation of righteousness and salvation. But something else began to grab my attention:

John 5:22 Moreover, the Father judges no one...

Jesus came to the earth to reveal something much more than just righteousness and salvation. The Son had to come to reveal the Father. He had to reveal that there even was a Father! The world was only able to know the Judge before the life of the Son of God, Jesus. But the revelation that Jesus brought this orphaned world, was that there was a God who loved them like a Father and wanted to adopt us through the blood of the Son! The Father is so full of grace, and we are so filled with the beautiful DNA of sinless, holy, Jesus that He who used to be forced to judge to protect his people, can now relate to us as his beloved children- judgement free.

And then the conclusion to my month of questioning,wrestling and seeking came to this point. I know I will never reach an all knowing place with God. With that knowledge, depending on understanding is useless. But with a heart that says, "I may never fully understand you, God, but help give me insight to your ways and wisdom on how to love the world in that light," God will show you the most crucial truths of himself. Proverbs 4:7 was so worth it. It did cost all I had to seek wisdom. My foundation got shaken, but in the end (with grace and perseverance) I have such hope for this world.

Romans 8:19 & 22

The creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed... We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.

Creation, the planet Earth, is crying out for the sons and daughters to realize who they are! Creation is groaning as in the pains of childbirth. Childbirth seems extremely painful, especially when your cervix is ripping open up wide enough to fit a person's head through... But after the pain of this process, the mother is blessed with a son or daughter. The Earth is screaming with the pain of earthquakes as it opens itself up to give birth to it's children. Will the Children of God take these groanings as a call to expose their true identity?

Come on Sons and Daughters, let us show the world the Father.

My Heart's Cry: Part I, The Problem

2011-04-17T10:55:00.000-07:00

To be honest, I have walked a difficult road with the Lord since the earthquake in Japan on March 11. A rending took place that day, both in the earth, and in my spirit. Today, I am left with few conclusions and thousands of questions. This blog seems to contain more of the process God is taking me through, rather than solid theology and answers. However, this rocky, narrow path has led me to a place of hope so I urge you, please read on!

I was quite shocked when I first heard the news and saw the footage of destruction. I was captivated by the news reports. It was just so tragic and my heart broke for a nation I had given little thought to prior to this event. That first day I cried for them and began to ask God what in the world was going on. I was able to stand firm, for a while, on the pure truth that God is always good. But soon, my foundation became shaken with the words of judgement for this nation and the fact that I just could not understand how a good God would let something like this happen.

The basis of my faith was being shaken. I could feel it all the time. I realized I could either give in to the growing chaos swirling in my spirit or point myself in a straight line towards Jesus and hold on for dear life. Honestly, I did both. But the Lord gave me a scripture that continues to bring me life:

Proverbs 4:7

The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom.

Though it cost all you have, get understanding.

At first, I got lost in this proverb trying to understand WHY everything happens the way it does. Was it God judging his people? Was it Satan killing, stealing, and destroying? WAS EVERYTHING MEANINGLESS?! ...these were some of my thoughts...and yes, I can get a little emotional and dramatic so you can see how much fun I had trying to understand this earthquake!

I finally surrendered one day. I couldn't understand anything. I couldn't explain a bit of it. That day, God gave me peace about not knowing why things happened the way they did, but being at rest that he is so beyond my little brain and I can never fully comprehend his ways. But, this anger would still rise up in me when I would hear Christians prophecy that the earthquake was the consequence of generations of evil and sin coming from a wicked people. Part of me did not want to question God Almighty anymore. If it was judgement, let the earth be judged and wiped out! But, this thought became even more unsettling as I began to consider the truth of that statement for all humanity...

Just a Thought...

2011-03-09T17:46:00.001-08:00

Here is something I have been wondering about concerning our hearts-

Matthew 6:19-21

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth,where moth and rust destroy,and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven,where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Luke 17:21

...nor will people say, 'Here it is,' or 'There it is,' because the kingdom of God is within you.

So, if we are to store up treasures in heaven, and our heart is with our treasures, is not our heart, then, in heaven? And if the kingdom of God is within us, which is heaven, and I am to store up treasures in heaven, is Jesus saying that I am to store up treasures for my heart?

Be Still

2011-02-03T10:43:00.000-08:00

I heard the Lord say to me the other day, "be still and know that I am God."

I have heard him say this to me before, but this time it struck me deeply and put clarity to so much of what I am going through right now. Admittedly, I have been in a rather "quiet" season with him for about three months. To me, it has been a long and tiresome season! I would much rather be overwhelmed by his presence, speechless by his voice, and energized by his power. But he has only provided me with moments of his whispers and glimpses of his Truth. It has been a bit painful at times; even confusing. In the lack of the awareness of his nearness I turned inward and wondered what I had done wrong to cause him to withdraw. But, deep down i know that wasn't the case. I knew he was near. Through it all I would just tell him how desperately I wanted to know him. Finally, when I heard him say, "be still and know that I am God," revelation clicked. It was so easy to know him when I was swimming in the river of his presence. Could I know him when nothing seemed supernatural? Did i know him when I wasn't lost in His glory? I am beginning to.

Poem

2011-01-30T21:17:00.000-08:00

From My Journal April 4, 2010

I seem to stand stuck
In the thicket of lies
Thorns ripping at my chest
Stomach's aching butterflies
It's heavy on my head
My arms are paralyzed
Where is the Truth
To the tears in my eyes

I shout my prayers upward
So Heaven will hear
But it's thick all around me
They're snuffed out by fear
Confusion, anxiety
O peace come draw near!
Bring the love of the Father
All his freedom in here

Whisper to my heart
Put your dreams inside my head
Come into your garden
By your Spirit I am led
Speak truth into my soul
By your words I am fed
Stir the winds around me
Build a temple o'er my bed

Grip the bones inside my flesh
Grab my spirit, set me free
Take me in your arms
Possess every thought in me
Cast out all the darkness
Heal my blindness, let me see
All that you are doing
As you're deeply loving me.

Encounter and Intimacy

2011-01-20T21:32:00.000-08:00

The Lord has been speaking so much to me about the place that I had settled in our relationship. I had grown comfortable with his distance. I had let the wilderness become a place of silence and solitude. But I believe I was so wrong. He began speaking to me about the word captivity. "Oh sweet one," he would say. "You have retreated into captivity."

I began to ask him what captivity even was. He asked me right back, "What does captivity mean to you?" I thought of animals at the zoo. They had been taken out of the wild and put into captivity. Some were born into this lifestyle. The aspect of captivity that struck me the most was the fact that it was an imitation of real life... but it was not true reality. Those animals had been created to be free. To experience life outside of the walls and cages they were restrained to. To capture their own food, rather than have it fed to them by human means. They were meant to explore and wander through the wilderness. The Lord began to explain to me how many Christians live their lives in captivity. A reduced version and an imitation of the real thing. We were meant to be free! We were meant to run after the Spirit of God. We were meant to seek after our food: raw, real, and fresh. No more man made meals. I want all natural, God grown meat! We MUST be encountering him daily! If not multiple moments every day! If we want true intimacy with the Lover of our Souls we can have it. More more more and deeper deeper deeper. Then, I asked him about times where we feel like we are in the wilderness. He spoke to me:

Therefore I am now going to allure her;

I will lead her into the wilderness

and speak tenderly to her.

Hosea 2:14

The wilderness was intended to be one beautiful encounter! He leads...He speaks tenderly...I am starting to think that the "wilderness" is the most intimate of all of the seasons to be in! I am challenged to not settle for silence and solitude in this place. Rather, I want to tune my ear to his soft, gentle words.

Send Your Fire on a Generation

2010-09-12T18:16:00.000-07:00

Psalm 104:4

He makes winds his messengers, flames of fire his servants.

Ten days until we leave for Oman. Please keep me and my team in your prayers over the next few days as we make the final preparations. We have been catching his uncontainable fire and are ready to serve his Spirit as he leads. I have been having more dreams and visions where I see multiple flaming arrows hit the bulls eye of a target. I feel the Lord speaking that the fire is authority given to us and that the target represents the spiritual giants that rule the land. He is shooting us straight into the heart of the darkness that oppresses this place and as we walk in the authority he has given us, we will see the giants fall. Praise the Lord that all of our students got their money! I still have a need of $800 and if you want to give it is not too late! This is really happening, y'all. The Gospel is coming to the Middle East.

The Global Glory of Jesus

2010-08-07T16:14:00.000-07:00

...getting ready to explode into the nations again with a team of young people...

Ok, family. Time to get serious about the joy of receiving from our FATHER. I am leaving to go to the Middle East at the end of September to begin to see the destiny for the nation of Oman revealed!

For the past two years I have had dreams and visions about this hidden and forgotten country. But the LORD is ready to speak the identity over these people and "reap a harvest!" I really believe that the normal process a nation goes through in spreading the Gospel and seeing sons and daughters come into salvation is going to be accelerated. We can not go about evangelism in the same way since it is a muslim nation. So, we will be depending completely on the presence of God to draw the hungry to him. Our team has ideas to plant a house of prayer and hold revival meetings.

The outreach will be 3 months long and I am co-leading a team of 5 students with a good friend of mine, Chris Chun. I need to raise $5,000 for this trip. My deadline to have my funds in, is August 31. Please, let me know as soon as possible if you can support me. There is also a link to paypal on my support page where you can give online.

I have surrendered my heart to Oman for life, whatever that looks like. This is the beginning of a wild and beautiful ride.

A Lil' Gold Never Hurt Nobody!

2010-07-25T21:35:00.000-07:00

About two weeks ago I was crying out to Jesus. I was on my face begging him to come with His glory and bring revival to the earth. Looking back, it was sort of dramatic... But then again, most things I do are pretty theatrical... Not that I was acting... but his response really put me in my place. He said,

"Don't you know that I'm actually going to do this?!"

I stopped. Stunned. I do believe. I changed my prayer immidiately and began thanking him for all that he was about to do. Then, last Monday... Oh my heavens...

We showed a film to our students called Finger of God. It documents revivals that are springing up and are accompanied with signs, wonders, and miracles! The movie really does strengthen your faith, but, I think God was just waiting for the perfect opportunity to shake our typical DTS to the core, because after the film was over, the power of God rained down upon us. One student was COVERED in gold dust! It was all over his skin and clothes. Next, healing miracles broke out all over our group. Everyone was praying for someone, and someone was always shouting for joy at the discovery that they once had pain, but felt it no more. Feet and legs grew out, scoliosis was cured, back pain eliminated, asthma gone!

God is really REAL yall! He did not just disappear at the end of the book of Malachi. Jesus is our Healer! By his stripes, we are healed! Everything! Even our undersized foot will come into alignment at his name. The Holy Spirit is present with power! He wants to come and dwell with us.

We can know this God. We can know him with all of his mysteries.

No Normal Day in the Breakfast Line

2010-07-17T16:18:00.000-07:00

This week has been absolutely insane.

I feel like my life is usually on a crash course straight into the heart of Heaven these days... but this week...

It started with a bizarre Monday morning. Breakfast was just ending and almost everyone had gone. But right there at the end of the line, scooping their Rice Krispies into a bowl, was Lou Engle and Mike Bickle. Apostles in the faith with a passion for prayer and revival. They came to help marry the missions movement to prayer. Youth With A Mission and the International House of Prayer want to combine their ministries to see the largest release of missionaries history has ever seen with hearts carrying the praise of the Lord and the prayers of the Father.

Then yesterday, we were about to start class when Bob Hartley came in to to share a dream he had had along with a prophetic word for certain people in our DTS. I unexpectedly got completely rocked. Bob called out dreams from within my heart and called out future plans that brought me tremendous hope.

I love words from God. The Almighty. The Great I AM. Alpha and Omega.

These are the greatest days to be alive.

The Exchange

2010-07-17T16:03:00.000-07:00

From my journal July 13, 2010

I gave you my heart today and you gave me yours back.

I am always on the receiving end. How impossibly sweet.

Something took place then that i lack words for...

the union of your spirit and mine...

Oh, how I love you, Jesus.

His Banner Over Me

2010-07-10T16:32:00.000-07:00

Song of Songs 2:4

Let him lead me to the banquet hall, and let his banner over me be love.

There are songs written about this verse and they get stuck in my head all the time. But I have only just begun to ask Jesus what it actually means! Something that I have come up with is this: there must be the most delicious feast in this heavenly banquet hall. And as we feast with him, and of him we get so full and so drunk with his wine that the only thing left to be said at the end of this delightful evening is, "I LOVE YOU!"

Enjoying all of the delectable morsels God gives us everyday fills our spirits with such joy. We can't help but fall more and more in love with him. This enjoyment is what marks our lives. So much so, that if I had to wear a sign that would define my life it would say, "LOVE."

Steve Jobs

2010-07-07T17:03:00.000-07:00

Today I wrote Steve Jobs a letter.

My laptop is broken...again... I think technology gets scared when it's around me. It freaks out, shuts down, and then never opens up to me again. Seriously, what did I ever do to make such enemies?!

I have been getting creative when asking God if there is something on my end that needs to be done when praying about provision. So, after coming to terms with the termination of my computer, I got busy explaining to the CEO of Apple that it would be a good idea for him to donate a brand new MacBook to me- a world changer and global networker. Oh, and I also asked if he wanted to do the same for my 19 other co-workers. I thought, if I want God to do the "impossible" and "ridiculous" I should give him a little bit of a platform.

What if this letter miraculously ends up on his desk, he reads it, gives me the laptop, and donates a million dollars to my missionary funds?!

I am convinced that God can and wants to provide all of our needs. Let's not limit him in how he could or would do it!

AwakenDTS.com

2010-07-02T18:57:00.000-07:00

Check out http://www.awakendts.com/ by clicking on the link in the upper left.

It is amazing!!!

6 Days!!

2010-07-02T12:53:00.000-07:00

Six days until our students arrive for the Awaken DTS!! I feel like I am going to explode with excitement and anticipation. The Lord will not stop shouting about all that He is going to do.

I have been having dreams about waves and waves of power headed towards the shore for months now and yesterday I got hit by a tsunami of love. The Spirit was already moving on us as we gathered our thoughts about ideas for the school. Then, the city's monthly test for the tsunami alarm went off. But, to us, who are constantly listening for the voice of God, heard a warning signal sound. It was as if an army of angels stood on the coast of Kona blowing their trumpets up towards our camp to awaken our spirits to the coming invasion.

Something is about it hit and all we can do is position ourselves to get swept away. Arrival Day (or should I call it, Revival Day..) is July 8! It can't come soon enough!

Awaken

2010-06-27T14:52:00.000-07:00

As my fellow teammates and I have prayed into what this summer holds for our DTS (Discipleship Training School) the theme of AWAKENING keeps bubbling up. It feels like God keeps asking me and others the question of, "What do you want?"

My first response is, "More of your presence, Lord!"

He wants to awaken us to more of him. We have only just begun to explore and discover the depths of this wonderful and mysterious man named Jesus. I have become addicted to his presence. I find that in that place where I am totally consumed by the Spirit that He opens up more and more of my mind to comprehend his character and my heart to receive his unfathomable love and grace. What a glorious revelation! I will feel totally alive, then he will come in and blow my perception away by opening up my eyes more. I am constantly being awakened.

I believe this summer God wants to spend time in that intimate place. He just wants to watch us delight in the surprise of all that He contains. Holy Spirit, come to the Awaken DTS!

Back in Kona!

2010-06-04T18:39:00.000-07:00

I am back again! I arrived in Kona, Hawaii May 31. I am going to be staffing another DTS and can't wait to see what this summer holds!